Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
