I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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