She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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