i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
