Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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