Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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