I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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