Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am naked and annoyed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
