Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
