my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
