Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
this hospital has no fireball
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
