every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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