I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
