you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
