is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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