This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
