Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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