Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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