Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
