I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
