He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
