There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
