i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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