Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize