Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
