Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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