Do you still have your period?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
