Pappa wants mamma naked
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
