3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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