how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
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