Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
