So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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