i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
