got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize