I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
