Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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