Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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