i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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