Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
