Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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