I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
