Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This house was built for laser tag.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize