pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
