I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
as a side note pls kill me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize