Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
