Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
