Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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