Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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