OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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