your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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