You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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