yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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