i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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