If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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