is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
