I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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