I wish I could teleport
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
