Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
