I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
