youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
