just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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