It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize