I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
