I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
