Just fell off a train. Bad.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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