I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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