I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize