i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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