hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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