that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
