Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
