It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
