im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
