I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you win again, gameday.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
