I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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