is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
