I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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