he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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