Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
