New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
