kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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