If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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