Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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